A guy’s point of view…by @hiprobbie
We’ve all seen that girl on the sidewalk. Confident Sally strolling with her boxerdoodle on a cobblestone street, latte in one hand, leather-chain leash wrapped tight around the other like Tefilin. Her graceful stride intermittently interrupted with a jerk and pull as her pup’s paws claw through the asphalt, inching its tongue within a hairs reach of a rogue chicken bone in the gutter. This is the same tongue that will eventually lap her face later in the day as she arrives at her apartment from her yoga class. The homecoming ritual. The lifetime warranty of predictable loyalty that comes with buying a puppy.
So when single women say “Men are Dogs”, about the Charlie Sheens‘ of the dating scene, I say, “You should be so lucky!” Bad boys are the exact opposite of dogs I must say. Dogs are waiting for you when you arrive from whole foods. They go nuts at the sight of you, even on a bad hair or bad face day. (bad face day is a new term I’ll start using). They reward your minimal commitment efforts with a lifetime of affection. Feed them once a day, parade them around the block, rub their belly from time to time. I hope in my next life I’m a dog owned by a single woman.
My theory is that most single girls who own a dog are girls that fear commitment. Don’t get me wrong, I love dogs. Dogs are beautiful animals. But I see a single woman owning a dog as an escape. An easy excuse to not spending the extra hour with the guy who she ‘kinda likes”. If I date you and really like you, I’ll eventually end up loathing your dog. I’ll be threatened by him. I’ll see him as an adversary. I will fight with him for your attention and he will ruin my plan of falling in love with you because you are already in love with him, and we all know this apartment you live in is not big enough for the two of us, not physically nor metaphorically. And, yes, all single woman own male dogs.
But please note this is my theory on most single dog owning girls. If you own a dog for other reasons, I respect that. I just probably won’t date you.