Bars are the best pick-up spots — but can you ever find romance in addition to a sexual conquest?

It’s a tough old world we live in — a tough old world for dating, that is. In cities like Los Angeles and New York, a good man is seriously hard to find. Sure, we can be set up by our friends (which, in my opinion, is the best way to meet a guy), but here’s the catch: most single gals don’t have a wide range of male buddies. As for our married pals, they must have done something right — they did get the gown, the ring and the guy, after all — but they’re useless when it comes to set-ups. Marrieds tend to stick together, as so singletons. Your bestie’s hubby might have one or two single guys still in his life, but trust me, they’re probably still single for a reason. So what’s a girl to do? Our love lives tend to be pretty dire (I prefer to think of these solitary periods as ‘droughts’) so we need alcohol, clearly. Which puts us at a bar, in the firing distance of many, many men. But do we have a shot of love with a guy we meet at a bar, or are we in for nothing more than a sloppy one-night stand?

Let me break it down for you. YOU WILL NOT MEET QUALITY MEN IN BARS. Sure, quality men hang out in bars (let’s face it, most men hang out in bars) but if you’re meeting one there, there’s no assurance that he’s going to be a good guy for YOU — especially if you’re already locked and loaded by the time you meet him.

Booze lowers inhibitions, which is why men (most, not all, of course) feel comfortable hitting on you in the dimly lit locale that’s serving their favorite tequila than in, say, a grocery store. If you spend a night out with a guy you just met and indulge in a seemingly harmless make-out session, he will not call. He certainly won’t call if you go home with him, and you’ll wind up feeling like shit about yourself. In fact, if he’s drunk and flirtatious and you simply give him your number and walk away, he still may not call (he may or may not have gotten several numbers and forgotten you, you see).

Let me tell you a story about one of my sorority sisters, Andrea. Dre has always led a charmed life. From her perfect high school boyfriend to her stellar post-grad job, everything for my beautiful friend has always been easy. She is one of the rare few who actually met her future husband in a Connecticut bar a few years after graduation day. If this story doesn’t sound fair already, let me tell you something else: she approached him, he fell hook, line and sinker for her smile and the rest was history. Several years later they’re one of those perfect couples who live in a gorgeous Upper East Side apartment, have two gorgeous kids, two gorgeous jobs and one goddamned gorgeous marriage.

However, Andrea is the exception, not the rule. We have to remember that most of us are the rule. Although we like to think of ourselves and our situations as unique, we (and they) are not. So stop putting yourself in the same position night and night again. Go out, drink your heart out, have a flirtation — even go home with the guy if you’re in the mood for it. You’re an empowered woman, right? You’re every bit as justified to have a fling as any man would. Just remember, we’re different from dudes. While they’ll be content to walk away without even asking your name again in the morning (because you know they forgot it from the night before), you’ll be sitting by your mobile phone, willing it to ring, and for it to be him. You’ve even conned yourself into believing that you like him so much since you did the nasty that you’ll even accept his phone call in text form (weak). The moral of the story here: if you’re hoping your one-night bar crush will turn into the real deal, then you probably shouldn’t be going to bars. Just saying…

Laura xo

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13 Responses
  1. [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by TheLoveTrekker, Laura Schreffler. Laura Schreffler said: Do you actually have a shot at true love if you meet a guy at a bar? #fail http://tinyurl.com/4z2d4ql [...]

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  7. [...] having so much fun,” she said. “I’d hope that I wouldn’t know when that’s going to happen. I can’t predict the future. I have no [...]

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    • Richard says:

      newyork.citysearch.com has great reviews on bars, ratneurasts etc . tells you the atmosphere, type of crowd, price etc . You can put anything in the search bar and you will find many meeting spots in the city. I like to hang out at places for the over 30 crowd don’t know your age but I find it to be a much more mature crowd and I prefer lounges over clubs. In my personal opinion, I would never hire someone to find me a date first give it the old college try on your own. Even join some online groups at first, but not with the sole intent to hook up just to get to know people and maybe there will be a meet and greet in the future. hope this helps

  9. [...] age of 18 (oh come on, you know the Murray Hill dives barely card!), I frequented my fair amount of bars. So when I saw that NYC bartenders were offering their dating tips on DailyCandy, it didn’t [...]

  10. [...] up and down that I would eschew ‘the drink’, the spirit of Dublin overcame me. I was drunk on the city. Although I was referred to as “Ms. Iron Knickers” more than a few times, I was still [...]

  11. You’ve got great insights about dating, relationships, sex, love, couples,, keep up the good work!

  12. Stella says:

    Only a smiling visitor here to share the love (:, btw great pattern .

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