Fact: a new study proves that we’re into guys who may not like us all that much. Why are we so screwed up?
Guy friends, men I meet on the street and even male family members often approach me and huff, “I just don’t GET you girls.” Although I’ll be the first to admit we’re batshit crazy, I don’t really mean it (and am often agreeing with the man in question so he’ll shut up). However, there might be something to the boys’ complaints if the light of a new study, which claims that women find men who may or may not like them more appealing then men that definitely do. In other words: we get off on the whole, ‘he loves me, he loves me not’ thing.
So says a new study by Erin R. Whitchurch and Timothy D. Wilson of the University of Virginia and Daniel T. Gilbert of Harvard, who published their theory in Psychological Science after conducting a study with college undergrads. The premise: a group of female students were shown four fake Facebook profiles of “likable, attractive” men. One group of girls was told that these four guys were actually into them, a second group was informed that they were “average” and a third sector was ambiguous, giving no indication of how they felt.
While the ladies were more attracted to the guys who found them attractive, the surprising factor in the study was that the men the girls rated the highest were the guys who left their feelings up in the air; this is, apparently, called the “uncertainty principle.” Meaning, the authors of the study believe that when a guy’s feelings are unknown, we become even more insecure and, in fact, start to like him more on the basis that he might not like us very much.
Why do we do this? The study is fairly accurate, in my eyes. I’ve often found myself obsessing about some loser that I don’t even like just because he’s played the crafty little mind game of making me think I’m undesirable.
And to that I call ‘bullshit.’ The uncertainty principle might work, but it isn’t honest or upfront. If you have to employ such trickery, the relationship in question isn’t worth it. Why would you want a guy who’s just kind of into you, when you could find a a guy you dig who reciprocates your feelings?
Of course we don’t want someone who’s going to smother us if we don’t like him in the first place. But when you find a man that you simply must be around, who sets you on fire (and you feel the same), well, that’s magic. Studies and uncertainty be damned.
Think about it this way: would you actively want to hear that a guy ‘just isn’t that into you?’ Exactly. Case closed.