Should you ever go for a friend’s brother? Can your BFF date your ex?
A close female friend of mine recently came to me with this question and asked if I would do a post on the subject — so here it is. Find out who’s untouchable in your immediate social — and familial — circle and discover how to back away and just say no even if every fiber of your being is screaming ‘yes, yes, YES!’
Dating someone your friend has dated or dating a friend’s relative is always a tricky situation. Sure, they seem like viable options because you know them, you’re more comfortable with them after getting to know them in the ‘friend’ capacity and you know where they’ve been (not always a good thing). But unless you’re sure that he’s the one — and that he feels the same way about you — don’t go there. You’re just going to lose your friend in the long run.
Why do I say that? Well, if the girl is your best friend and you date her brother and screw him over, she’s always going to resent you. She’ll choose him and drop you like a hot potato, even if you’ve been friends for years. Even if you two break up naturally, she’s going resent that you chose him over her and your friendship will inevitably become strained. Meaning: if you date a friend’s brother, you’re going to stop sharing relationship confidences with her, because hey, you can’t very well tell a gal how good her bro is in bed, right?
Just so we’re clear, I wouldn’t date a good friend’s brother. However, if she’s a new friend, by all means, be my guest! You have no idea how things will turn out in the long run with either your newish friendship or your new relationship, so you have no loyalty or commitments to either party. Sorry, hate me for saying that if you want to, but if you inspect your own way of operating, I think you’ll find you’d do the same…even if you won’t admit it in public.
Similarly, if it’s a girlfriend you don’t know very well, you can probably date her ex -- but you might lose her friendship. If that doesn’t matter to you, do it. If it does, suck it up and stay away.
It is NEVER cool to date a close friend’s ex — unless the guy in question was a dude your pal merely hooked up with or casually dated once or twice more than a year ago. Even married women have the ‘what if’ factor going on with guy’s they’ve been intimate with, and she will resent you for hooking up with someone she’s loved. Sorry ladies, these are the rules — so don’t shoot the messenger!
Yeah, it’s hard for you to tell yourself no to a guy that seems perfect for you on paper, but unless you’re 99.9% positive he’s the one, don’t go there. Resist. There are other fish in the sea! It may work in the movies (see: Something Borrowed) but these situations never work out in real life.