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If you thought your love life was bad, imagine how it feels to be a woman whose husband fathered a love child with her housekeeper!

Sometimes it’s difficult to put our love lives into perspective. Because a situation is happening to us, it’s difficult to take a step back and realize that his lack of texting, a refusal to call after 10 PM or his weird habit of eating only green M&Ms might not be all that bad. No, sometimes it takes a truly horrific incident to make us realize our relationship doesn’t suck as badly as we thought. Maria Shriver, my heart goes out to you: you are living my nightmare.

For those of you who live under a rock, Maria has been married to former California Governor and He-Hulk Arnold “I’ll be back” Schwarzenegger for 25 years. For ten of those years (that she now knows of) her marriage was weighed down by a lie as large as her husband’s veiny forearms. Not only had he been sleeping with the couple’s long-term housekeeper, but he had fathered a child by said cleaner, who kept her job and made a bundle by keeping her mouth shut.

Oh the betrayal! Not just on Arnold’s part, especially because his wandering eyes and hands aren’t exactly a secret, but by a trusted employee, as well. Being Maria Shriver at this moment in time would be like waking up and discovering you were actually an adopted alien from a far off galaxy, albeit one with really, really good hair.

I know it’s going to be hard to distance yourself from your man drama, but the next time one arises — regardless of where in the world you happen to be — please try to let it go. I’ll be right there with you, so let’s consider it a social experiment, shall we?

The next time a guy takes four hours to return your text, don’t automatically freak out and convince yourself he’s just not that into you. The next time you think you’re in a committed relationship but find photos of him kissing someone else on Facebook, dump his ass and chalk it up to his loss. The next time you break up with a boyfriend, try not to persuade yourself that you’re going to die an old maid.

Really, when you look at the big picture, the day-to-day trials of dating could be so much worse. You could have actually married Arnold Schwarzenegger (or a guy like him). Be grateful for small favors.

Laura xo

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