What turns guys off? One author thinks he knows
We’ve all screwed up when it comes to our love lives. We’ve drunk-dialed, we’ve been clingy, we’ve been jealous — all of which are turn-offs. But what are the worst things we do and why are they so heinous?
Dr. Kenneth Ryan, author of Finding Your Prince in a Sea of Toads: How to Find a Quality Guy Without Getting Your Heart Shredded, has compiled a list of what he finds to be epic female dating fails. It’s supposed to be helpful. Well, you be the judge. Read his admonishments and tell me what you think!
# 1 Don’t Be Too Passive – “Some women feel helpless and hopeless because few men have shown interest in them. They sit alone at home hoping Prince Charming will one day knock on the door. There are many ways a woman can improve her connections with guys and make herself more appealing. They are not helpless or hopeless.”
#2 Don’t Be Too Aggressive -”Women who come on too strong look desperate and may scare off quality guys. Predatory males look for desperate women because they will do almost anything to get a guy. Learn how to engage men without coming on too strong.”
#3 Don’t Be Naive About Men – “If a woman does not understand the huge difference between men and women when it comes to sex and relationships, she will get burned. If most of her guidance for relationships comes from popular media and peers, she is working from a position of ignorance. Movie makers couldn’t care less about your life. They just want your $14 movie ticket.”
#4 Don’t Panic – “Women become so fearful that they will never find a guy who loves them that they abandon their convictions and make irrational, dangerous decisions. Some painful effects are immediate, while some might not surface for years.”
#5 Don’t Sleep with the Boyfriend – “Every woman must make her own decision and it is a huge decision. This is the most common and most harmful mistake. It causes an avalanche of problems, many that the woman does not anticipate. Sex with a boyfriend might seem romantic or exhilarating but there are hidden fangs that will cut deep. You can’t put a condom on your heart.”
OK, I admit, Dr. Ken Doll had me with the “don’t panic” and “don’t be naive” advice, but who in their right mind would say something so cheese-ass lame as “you can’t put a condom on your heart”? And why wouldn’t you want to sleep with your boyfriend (unless, of course, you’re 15 and happen to be reading this — then just say no!)? Good God, man!
The bottom line is that women and men make mistakes when it comes to love, but men care less. If something doesn’t work out, they simply shrug it off and chalk it up a life lesson learned, while we tend to sit and ruminate and why our relationships failed.
Do what feels right for you. If you have to put too much thought or effort into dating a guy, he — or the relationship itself — probably isn’t right for you. That’s all I’m saying. When it’s right, it’s right…and you’ll know it.