Older man enthusiast and food blogger Carolyn Loyel is convinced that a mature gent is the right way to go in the wacky world of dating. Oh yeah, and it also helps if he’s French!
Hi there ladies. My name is Carolyn, and I’m here to write about the other age-related perspective — dating older men.
Personally, I’ve never dated a guy younger than me. I’m 26, and I usually prowl for older gentlemen in the 35 to 40 year-old range.I wouldn’t rule out dating someone my own age altogether, but it’s not my ‘thing.’
The first time I realized I was into older men and actually felt like acting on it, I was 23 and newly arrived in Paris. When I met Pierre (how cliché, I know) at a bar during the Rugby World Cup, I totally dug our convo, and when I left that night, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I returned to the same bar a few days later, and – ooh la la — there was Pierre again. He suggested my friend Marc and I join him for drinks, then dinner. Needless to say, after an evening with the sexy, sophisticated Frenchman, I was a goner. He was 42, a successful lawyer, divorced, confident, charming, and, might I add, had magnifique blue eyes Although it was I who initiated our relationship by tracking down his information and emailing him, I thought he was into me. We began speaking over the phone and had a lovely pre-Christmas dinner together. Then, much to my horror, he ghosted me. Right. Before. Christmas. I thought this was something that only younger guys did when they didn’t have the couilles (that’s French for balls) to tell you they didn’t want to see you anymore. I guess not.
The second older man that I dated was also French. He was 38, I was still 23. While very intelligent and mild-mannered, he was also in the midst of an existential crisis. We dated for a month, and every time we would get together, I would feel his ennui creeping into my sunny disposition like a fungus. I loved the conversations we had about politics and current events, loved that he made sure I was saturated in wine and champagne every time we got together. But in the end, I realized he wasn’t for me. He couldn’t relate to a much younger American girl, although I could relate to his depressed late 30s self. This was the point when I decided my age limit would be no older than 35 (or as 12-year age gap). Intelligents, no?
And finally, yes, there was yet another Frenchman who was again, divorced and in his mid-30s. I was a year older, but evidently not a year wiser. He played me so badly that I’m too embarrassed to include the details in this post. It’s actually quite laughable now that I look back and realize how naive I was about the situation, which was a classic older-guy-dupes-younger-girl scenario.
His lack of tact and good judgment definitely made me question opening up only to older men. However, although these three guys didn’t work out, I’m still convinced that dating up in age is the way to go, but now I have boundaries. It’s possible that because all three of these guys are French, I’m attracted to the debonair European gentleman type, but I now refuse to date anyone older than 35-40. Older is great, but when there’s more than a ten-year gap between you, I think it gets harder to relate to life experiences. Just as dating younger dudes can have its setbacks, dating much older men can also introduce some hiccups into a relationship. I have had the most success dating men who are about five years older than me. The maturity level seems to match up pretty perfectly. Guys evolve slower than girls do, after all.
Age shouldn’t be the first thing you should care about when you meet someone new, but it’s definitely an important factor. Please do bear in mind, though, that age can pose problems if you’re dating outside of your own personal age ‘safety zone.’
Check out Carolyn’s website Bonne Caroline, Bonne Gamine