Looking for love? Apply the same rules to getting a guy that you would to getting directions
My GPS broke on Thursday. While I was picking a friend up at the airport. While we were en route to Magic Mountain (a Six Flags amusement park, for those of you who no longer have an inner child or live in California). This may not sound like the end of the world to you, but I’m pretty much the biggest moron on the planet when it comes to getting from point A to point B. I rely on that GPS as if it were an extension of myself — it tells me what to do and where I need to go to get what I want.
So I did what any swift-thinking individual would do: I Mapquested and wrote down the directions by hand. Not only did I get to where I needed to go, but now I’ve internalized the route and will remember for the next time I need a day of childlike happiness. I know what I need.
So why not apply the same rules to love? Ages ago, my best friend Katie had just gotten out of a bad relationship, and to avoid getting into another, took pen to paper to write down what she was really looking for, and what she would not accept from her next love. Less than two years later, she’s engaged to one of the greatest guys in the world. It was easy, it was effortless, and she didn’t compromise any of her principles to settle down with him.
While I was perusing YourTango, I found that they had published a piece utilizing Katie’s great man-finding method and, better yet, applied it to travel. Basically, both the site and Katie share a belief that you have to know where you want to go before you can actually get there.
Knowing what you don’t want is half of the battle and a very good start. But knowing what you do want means that you’re emotionally ready and adult enough to actually be in the relationship you deserve. As YourTango author Eris Huemer says, “We all continue to attract the same person with the same behaviors and personality types over and over again until we have truly learned our lessons, changed our own behaviors and patterns, and are clear about the type of person we want to attract into our life.” She’s right. You’re not going in the right direction if you’re going in circles.
So pick up a pen and get some paper. Make three columns. Write down what you need from a relationship, what you want, and what you don’t want. Does his appearance matter to you? His clothing choices? His job? If he cheats, is it a deal-breaker? Do you need someone to have the same religious beliefs that you do? What will you settle for?
Huemer suggests you ask yourself the below questions. They’re good ones. Be specific with what you want, and your dating situation will change. You will change. And you will — finally — get what you want by getting on the right road.
1. Values. Are they the same or different than yours?
2. Physical Appearance. What should this person look like? Height, hair color, clothes, etc.
3. Material. What possessions are important for the other person to have? What about career and financial?
4. Interests, hobbies, athletics, creativity.
5. Spiritual beliefs.
6. Intellect and education.
7. Their life goals and future. Include the number of children, child rearing beliefs, where you want to live, and goals for retirement.
8. Emotional maturity and consciousness.
9. Your deal breakers. What are absolutes that you will not accept in a person?