Read ‘em and don’t weep, ladies. Move on.
When we women really like a guy, we make every excuse possible so that we can rationalize being into him even when he treats us like garbage. He didn’t call us for a week? No problem. He was probably really stressed out by his boss. We catch him out with another girl? Not to worry, she was probably just a friend. He won’t touch you in public? Maybe he’s got a thing about germs. Greg Behrendt initially diffused the lies we tell ourselves with “He’s Just Not That Into You”, and now authors Meagan McCrary and Julie Fishman are following suit with their book, “The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags“. Basically, these ladies list the warning signals that should indicate your relationship isn’t as awesome as you believe it to be. In fact, it may not be a relationship at all (I was going to insert an exclamation point here, but it deflated me to be so exuberant about something so horrible).
Glo.com posted 2o signs from “Flags”, and they hit home so much that I had to post them here. Can you be truthful about your own relationship? Are you fooling yourself into believing you’re about to get serious with someone when he only really thinks of you as a booty call? Ar you ignoring the signs because you hope things will be different? Find out if your ‘relationship’ is riddled with red flags here, and let me know if you think the authors are right. I do — and unfortunately, he’s just not that into you.
There’s nothing wrong with believing in someone, or believing someone could care about you. Why shouldn’t he? You’re wonderful. Hope is a beautiful thing, but so is having a man that genuinely likes you for you and treats you as you deserve to be treated. Remember that.
- Know Where You Stand If you need to contemplate whether or not you’re a guy’s girlfriend, you probably aren’t. And if your “dates” with him consist solely of booze and booty calls, you’re not actually in a relationship.
- Understand His Intentions If your date seems to expect not just a goodnight kiss but a till-the-morning romp ten minutes into your first date, we guarantee he’s looking for a bedmate, not a soul mate.
- Watch His Morning After Etiquette After spending the night at a man’s house, be aware of his behavior. If he tells you he’s “got a busy day” the moment his alarm goes off, don’t expect him to take you to breakfast.
- Take A Hint If a guy explicitly says to you, “I’m never going to be the boyfriend-y type,” take his word for it and find a more loyal lad. You’re not gonna change him.
- Never Trust A Cheater If a guy declares his love for you, and he’s currently dating your best friend, run.
- Beware The Momma’s Boy A guy who’s not man enough to have your back on all occasions, even if it means upsetting his mother, isn’t worth keeping around.
- Make Sure He Puts In The Effort If a guy can pick up a phone and send you a text, surely he can use the same phone and call you with it. A man who can’t be bothered to actually talk to you isn’t worth wasting your time on.
- Watch His Spending Habits If your boyfriend has acquired over $385 in overdraft fees — in the span of two days — you probably won’t want to combine your finances with his.
- Listen To Your Friends If your close friends sit you down and tell you that they think you’ve changed for the worse since dating your new guy, don’t get all defensive — believe them.
- Check His Ex-Factor If a guy you’re dating knows, to the day, how long he’s been broken up with his ex, he’s likely still in love with, or at least hung up on, her. You don’t want that kind of emotional competition.
- Look At His Past If you find out your guy has never said “I love you” to anyone, even though he previously dated another girl seriously for years, this information could signal intimacy issues.
- Get To Know His Family How your guy’s close relatives behave and interact with each other could indicate who he really is, as well as explain how he got that way. The apple usually doesn’t fall all that far from the family tree.
- Read Between The Lines A guy who’s got marriage — to you — on the brain will eventually start speaking in we’s. If your man says “when I get married” rather than “when we get married,” he’s not thinking about anything long-term.
- Don’t Stand For Demands Watch out for a man who’s not just taking the reins in your relationship but wrapping them around your neck with demands that are convenient for him but disadvantageous to you. You may want to knock him off his high horse before your heart gets drawn and quartered.
- Ditch A Loser User Never continue to date a man who asks more questions about your job than he does about you.
- Beware The Control Freak If your alleged knight in shining armor swoops in offering to improve every area of your life, he’ll probably end up trying to control your life. It’s one thing if he treats you like a princess; it’s quite another if he treats you like a project.
- Read The Subtext If a guy feels the need to constantly assure you that he’s not critical, judgmental or self-righteous, we’d argue there’s a million-to-one shot he is.
- Stand Your Ground If your boyfriend tells you that you’ve “changed” since joining a gym or starting a therapy program or yoga practice, and that he’d like you to cease and desist, typically what he really means is that he thinks you’ve started becoming too good for him, and he would like you to stop.
- Check His Attitude Inconsiderate and insensitive behavior during the so-called honeymoon phase of a relationship are red flags. Your guy’s not going to suddenly start treating you better once the excitement and newness wears off.
- Know When To Leave If your guy becomes indifferent to you, put on those walking shoes and get to steppin’. It’s better to have loved and lost than to be stuck in a relationship that’s no longer full of love at all.