… and when to look for love elsewhere

I don’t feel particularly bad about the fact that I’m about to quote a Kelly Clarkson song to start a piece. I like Kelly Clarkson; I have no shame. In the aptly-titled “Walk Away”, she sings, “Should you stay or should you go? Well, if you don’t have the answer why are you still standing here? Just walk away.” And this particular concept is something I’ve thought a lot about recently, although I do believe the American Idol winner should have been asking herself this question instead of letting the indecisive guy call all the shots. Just sayin.’

So why be a buzzkill Betty on a Saturday? A very close friend of mine just broke up with her boyfriend of nearly a year and, while explaining her feelings, said she knew that after one month it wasn’t right, that they weren’t a match. But she still held on anyway, hoping that one day it would work.

Why do we do these things to ourselves? Are we so afraid of being alone that we suffer the indignity of dating someone who doesn’t treat us as we deserve to be treated? Why do we constantly make excuses for him, hoping that one day he will change?

I have a guy friend who also knew he and his lady weren’t a fit, but held on anyway. He drew it out, made excuses, and, eventually, when she was already in love with him, ended it. It took him nearly a year, as well, to get up the nerve to do so.

It’s interesting to note here that in both situations, it was the man who did the eventual dumping and was strong enough to admit the relationship wasn’t working. Meaning, we women won’t let a relationship go even if we know it isn’t right. What does this mean? How long will we let things go on before we come to our senses? Do we ever come to our senses?

I feel slightly uncomfortable bringing up one of the most moronic celebrities on the planet, but the fact of the matter is that Kim Kardashian is engaged after just six months of dating — and she had the clarity to realize that fiance Kris Humphries was right for her around month two. And wow, I just gave props to Kim Kardashian. The apocalypse is near. ”I knew in month two. We talked about it [marriage] so much, I was kind of like, ‘Is this happening here?’” she told Jay Leno on The Tonight Show recently.

Here’s the thing: we do know when a relationship is or isn’t right. We just often ignore the signs or refuse to listen to our gut instincts. Just because you and your guy are perfect for one another on paper doesn’t mean that you’re going to have that spark, or that you should hold on to something that wasn’t there in the first place. You should’t cling to him because your parents love him, or he gets along with your friends, or you love the same sports team. None of that matters in the long run.

Can we just call a spade a spade? All the time we’re wasting on the wrong one prevents us from finding the right one. And missing out on the love of your life because you’re desperate to have someone to cuddle up to at night or someone you’d like to call a ‘boyfriend’ is just tragic.

Bottom line: if something feels rotten in a relationship, it probably is. It isn’t our job to try and enforce change. If you already know something’s wrong, pull a Kelly and ‘walk away.’

I’ll leave you with some further words of wisdom from Ms. C. — and I suggest you take her advice. Why wait another minute for something we should have done yesterday? “So what’s the point in being slow? Let’s get the show on the road today.”

Well said, Kelly, well said.

Laura xo

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7 Responses
  1. [...] You can’t gauge the speed of your own by a friend’s. You’ll know when you and your man are official by the way he acts towards you, and how frequently you see him. For example, if you’re going on dates with a guy twice a week for two months, your relationship is progressing at a much slower rate than the girl who goes out with a guy five times a week for two months. If you don’t have the patience it takes to wait for the guy you’re with to come around, then he simply isn’t the right guy for you. [...]

  2. [...] we’re attracted to and why. Smiling men, apparently, seem more like women — which is why nice guys finish last. They lack the unflappable dominance of the “strong and silent” [...]

  3. [...] is eight months too soon? Well, take Justin’s pal Kim Kardashian as an example. Her entire relationship — including saying the “L” word and a marriage proposal – occurred within six months. Just to make myself clear, that’s two months less than Justin and [...]

  4. [...] — even if it’s accepting that he isn’t the one for you so you’re able to let go. HOW TO GET A GUY ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD TO ASK YOU OUT BY “THE MAN WHISPERER” DONNA [...]

  5. [...] after his on-bended-knee rejection. ”I’m in utter shock and disbelief.” He then walked away from her with [...]

  6. Ex Back says:

    Is it normal to still love my ex girlfriend after it’s over?

  7. [...] The practice of game playing is the subject of a recent article in Psychology Today. The writer, Mari Ruti, is a published relationship advice novelist several times over.  Her most recent books, The Case for Falling in Love and The Summons of Love – tackle the complexities of romance, relating, heartbreak, and knowing when to let go. [...]

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