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Take some advice from my guest columnist Donna Sozio, relationship expert and author of The Man Whisperer

I met Donna Sozio on a working trip in Aspen last year, and I swear by her. This dating and communication expert extraordinaire and author walked me through one of the hardest breakups of my life. After two months of empowering conversations with The Man Whisperer: A Gentle, Results-Oriented Approach to Communication co-author, I was fine. Fully recovered, if you will, and with a much better understanding of what I would and would not accept from a relationship. So what I’m saying is this: listen to her, live by her and love by her. You will get what you want — even if it’s accepting that he isn’t the one for you so you’re able to let go.


Sure men are big and strong and they play tough. But when it comes to asking women out, it takes a special kind of courage – especially when they are really attracted to you. Men don’t want to have their hearts to be broken just a much as women don’t. Nor
do men want to feel embarrassed or shot down in front of their friends if they ask you out and you say, “Umm… no thanks”. So if you want a guy to ask you out, it’s a woman’s job to give him clues that you’ll say “Yes!” if he does.
1. Don’t control the conversation

When women get nervous our first instinct is to control the situation. Or in this case, the conversation. This gives us a false sense of security that things are going well and moving forward at a comfortable pace. But it doesn’t let him take the lead. Nor does it
give him a window to ask you out. Relax. Let go of the conversation reins and let him take the lead of the conversation. When a man feels like he’s earned your interest, he’ll ask you out. The funny thing we’ve discovered is that when you ask loads of questions, and men get to talk about themselves at length, they somehow think that you are the most amazing, funniest girl in the world and will go to great length to ask you out!
2. Smile and lightly touch him on the arm or back

Non-verbal communication is extremely important. It’s 70% of what we “say” to one another and what do you with your body is often more powerful than ACTUAL words. If he says something funny, lightly touch him on the arm or the back with a
smile. This light touch is a strong connection and it can be electric! Your smile gives him the clue that you are indeed interested in him and if he asks you out you will indeed say, “Yes!”. Men have also told us that he loves a woman with a good sense of humour,
as well as one who is easy going and fun to be around. You’ll prove that you’ve got both these qualities just by simply smiling a lot and laughing (subtly) at his jokes. No moodiness please!!
3. Silence is golden… and men love it

In every conversation there is a natural drop. Don’t be afraid of a moment of silence. It doesn’t mean his interest has dropped. On the contrary. In this moment of quiet, a man can be relishing in the fact that he’s a lucky man to be talking to you. If you
absolutely feel like you need to do something – simply take a breath and smile. Don’t worry. The conversation will pick up again. And certainly, don’t cut the conversation short just because you are uncomfortable with a brief silence. Instead, pose an interesting question to him, such as, where do you see yourself in your career in five years? Or … how did you get started in your line of work? Or… what’s your favorite holiday destination of all time?
4. Do what you love

When you are out and about doing what you love (painting classes, jogging, walking the dog, boxing, tennis, reading at the bookstore …) it’s easy to meet men who are interested in the same activity. This gives men an easy in to ask you out – or at least ask to see you again by suggesting you do the activity together.
5. Patience pays

As modern women, you are certainly capable of asking men out. But if you want him to ask you out, you must wait for him to do it. Yes, you can speed up the process with Steps 1-4 but remember, men are the ones who have an innate biological urge to chase. And sometimes, they have insecurities beyond our comprehension. If he doesn’t ask you out, try to let it go. You might see him again and he will the next time. Also have confidence that another man will find you attractive and take action to see you again. It’s your inner confidence that helps women not have “desperate eyes” around men.

For more info on Donna and what she does best, go to

Laura xo

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  1. [...] None the Richer‘s incredibly annoying song, ‘Kiss Me.’ Donna Sozio, author of The Man Whisperer, asked me to describe my idea of the perfect kiss for a book she’s writing. Finally, I read a [...]

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