Did you know there’s a magic rule when it comes to having a lasting relationship? You do now
Call me crazy, but this past weekend I thought it seemed like a good idea to run around my apartment wearing nothing but a Harry Potter cape and a bikini. Although I had no wand at my disposal (insert sad face here) Stewart described my look as “magic”. As much as I appreciate the compliment, I know what magic-making entails, and lots of skin, abnormally un-adult behavior and a penchant for Potter doesn’t cut it.
Supernatural shenanigans aside, magic should be about spell-casting. When a relationship is right, everything falls into place; it shouldn’t be hard work. You should be seeing a lot of his magic wand, but spending as much time getting to know everything about his as you are playing with his broomstick.
Leading relationship researcher and expert John Gottman of the Gottman Relationship Institute has his own theories on the “magic relationship rule” — an actual scientific theory behind what it takes to make love last.
“[The magic relationship rule] is the ratio of positive stuff such as interests, asking questions, being kind, being affectionate and being nice to one another to the ratio of negative stuff like criticism, hostility, anger and hurt feelings,” Gottman explains, adding, “In relationships that stay together, the ratio is 5 to 1. When you have five as many positive things as negatives, it’s an interesting equation.
“If you do something negative to hurt your partner’s feelings, then you have to make up for it with five positive things, because negatives have more ability to inflict pain and bring damage than positives do to heal.”
Although magic to me will always be about the way a man makes me feel — that buzz I get from having crazy chemistry or the way my heart stops the first time he says ‘I love you’ — I’m on board with Gottman’s magic number. There should be five amazing things about the man you’re dating to counteract every horrible thing. Make a list. If you’re finding that the bad outweighs the good, call it a day. Why cause yourself unnecessary pain?
The magic relationship rule won’t help you to create a love spell or a Veela charm, and it won’t prevent you from making an ass out of yourself when you pretend to be wearing the Cloak of Invisibility but, in reality, are putting all of your charms on display, but it will help you get the relationship you deserve.
Finding love that works, that’s right, that’s worthy of you: now that, my friends, is magic.