In honor of yesterday’s National Kissing Day, here are some straight facts about locking lips
In case you’ve never heard of it (I hadn’t), yesterday was National Kissing Day, so here’s hoping you had someone to smooch (I didn’t, unless you count the 85 year old man that asked me out at the gym before limping off on his cane, which I don’t, thank you very much). Because I’m doing so little lip locking, I have much more time on my hands to find random facts about something others are doing plenty of (in the name of celebration of course). So enjoy the fruits of my labor when you read these ten little-known facts about puckering up, and stand tall knowing that you’re that you’re very patriotically taking such important national holidays seriously.
- BE CAREFUL WHERE YOU KISS! Kissing is a crime in certain states. Flabbergasted? Me too…but check this out! Iowa is the weirdest: a man with a mustache may never kiss a woman in public and a public kiss can’t last longer than five minutes or your ass is fined. Colorado is also pretty peculiar: it’s illegal for men to kiss a woman when she’s sleeping or for husbands to kiss their wives on Sundays. Huh? In Dyersburg, Tennessee, a woman can’t call a man for a date — which means not only isn’t she getting smooched, she’s stuck waiting by her phone hoping that he’ll call. In Boston, Mass. you’re banned from kissing in front of churches (all down to those hahd-cowr Irish Catholics, no doubt) and in Wisconsin you can’t kiss on trains. Isn’t America supposed to be the land of the free?
- WAIT, THAT’S NOT HIS MOUTH…Eskimos, Polynesians and Malaysians rub noses in lieu of kissing on the lips. Because that sounds like a good time.
- KISSING IS FOR CRETINS. In certain countries, smooching is seen as brutish or savage. It’s taboo in certain parts of Africa like the Sudan, as well as in China, where locking lips is suggestive of cannibalism (which gives new meaning to the phrase “sucking face”). And although the Lapps of northern Finland have no problems doing some naked co-ed bathing, they think kissing is “detestable.” Whatever floats your rubber ducky, I guess.
- KISSING IS THE CURE. Research shows that kissing actually aids in improving our skin, helps with circulation, prevents tooth decay and can relieve headaches. Hot damn! Now I wonder what sex can do…
- AVOID THE GYM BY LIP-LOCKING. OK, not really. But you will get a workout in. A little peck uses only two muscles, but a passionate or “French” kiss uses all 34 muscles in your face.
- MOVIE MOMENTS. I know y’all think that steamy handprint scene in Titanic was pretty epic, and who didn’t sigh with happiness watching Noah and Ali canoodle all over town in The Notebook (unless you’re a heartless bastard, that is). I’m guessing most men would say that the girl-on-girl sex scene in Bound was their favorite, but alas, none of the previously mentioned movies have any relevance when it comes to movie-time kissing. The longest kiss in Hollywood history was actually between Jane Wyman and Regis Tommey in 1941′s You’re in the Army Now: a record-breaking 3 minutes and 5 seconds. The film with the most kisses is 1926′s Don Juan, where John Barrymore and Mary Astor smooch 127 times. Tinseltown’s first French kiss was between Natalie Wood and Warren Beatty in 1961′s Splendor in the Grass. So basically what this tells me is that we were getting a lot more pucker for our buck back in the old days. Now we just see nudity and women faking orgasms.
- LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT. The average American spends 336 hours of his or her life kissing.
- ASSUME THE POSITION. Approximately 2/3 of all people tip their heads to the right when they kiss.
- XO? If you’ve ever wondered how the ‘X’ we so often annoyingly use in email correspondences came to be, I’ll tell you. Starting from Medieval times, people who couldn’t read used an ‘X’ as their signature; they would then kiss the mark as a sign of sincerity. Eventually, the ‘X’ came to represent the kiss itself. Which takes a whole lot less time than kissing every single letter/email/love note you write — and a lot less messy.
- LONDONERS LOVE LONG TIME. On July 5-6, 2005, a London couple locked lips for 31 hours, 30 minutes and 30 seconds, making it the longest kiss ever recorded. I really hope they didn’t break up immediately afterward.
- MY BEST KISS EVER. You don’t know him, and you probably don’t care, but Darren Farrow, this award goes to you.