Apparently, Blake Lively used them to help snag Leonardo DiCaprio. Who knew?

Let’s take this story for what it is, m’kay? And by that I mean a segue into a discussion, not that I actually believe this ‘and a source says’ hogwash. Or do I? Because maybe — just maybe — there really is something to this whole playing by the book thing

Blake Lively is the least likely person on the planet to utilize the antiquated ‘how to get a guy’ guide, The Rules (and when does she find the time to read, anyway?). She’s gorgeous, leggy, confident and sultry — one of those girls that you’d love to hate, if only she weren’t so damn nice. The U.K.’s Now magazine says that this super secure 23-year-old actually employed said old-fashioned book, published in 1995 by authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, to snare Leonardo DiCaprio in her honey trap.

To be honest, I’d be more inclined to say that she used sex as a weapon — and that she’s really, really good at it. I mean, look who the dude has dated in the past: Gisele Bundchen and Bar Refaeli. All three ladies have sky-high pins, blue eyes and blonde hair. ‘Nuff said. Homeboy has a type, and it’s called ‘perfection.’

A ‘friend’ of Blake’s (because a really good friend would go blabbing her intimate secrets to a tabloid, sure, sure) said that she utilized certain elements of the book to speed up the courtship process. For example, she made him jealous, refused to call him, acted ‘busy’ — and reportedly even made him finish his long-lived, on-again, off-again relationship with Bar before she’d even consider dating him. Now that is some kind of power.

Do you buy it? Check out the authors’ top ten dating commandments and let’s discuss.


#1 Be a creature unlike any other
Possess a sense of confidence and radiance that permeates your being from head to toe
#2 Go to parties and events even if you don’t feel like it
You won’t meet Mr Right sitting at home
#3 It’s a fantasy relationship unless a man asks you out
If he never asks you out, he’s not interested
#4 In an office romance, do not email him back unless it is business related
You never know who has access to your emails
#5 In a long-distance relationship, he must visit you three times before you visit him
It’s the equivalent of three dates, so no sex or sleep-overs either
#6 When placing a personal ad online, wait for men to respond to you
Men should always pursue women first
#7 If he does not call, he is not interested
Bottom line
#8 Don’t date a man for over two years
You’ve already spent more than a year waiting for him to propose; do you have another year to wait?
#9 Observe his behavior so you don’t end up with Mr. Wrong
Is he cheap? Or overly critical?
#10 Keep doing the rules even when things are slow
Take care of yourself, take a bubble bath and build up your soul with positive slogans like ‘I am a beautiful woman. I am enough.’

I hate to say this, but many of these so-called ‘rules’ make sense. You shouldn’t pursue. As the Man Whisperer, a.k.a. Ms. Donna Sozio, taught me, a guy’s stress levels actually decrease if he’s chasing you, or putting in more than the minimal anount of effort. If you find yourself playing the man, sorry Charlie, but your relationship ain’t gonna work.

Don’t believe me? I had this conversation with a good forty plus male friends, they all argued that they’d actually prefer for a woman to pursue them, because they were sick of putting in the work required to get a girl. When I had them actually think about that (albeit a difficult thing for most men to do on the fly) they agreed that if a girl went after them, it would just be too easy; they wouldn’t value her or the relationship.

This office romance email refusal thing is smart for one reason and one reason only: many companies have policies against inter-office relationships. They also monitor your email. That said, you probably want to be careful if you’re having an at-work tryst.

Observing his behavior is very, very smart. Sometimes we fall head over heels for a dude and aren’t sure why. Well, here are the reasons: we’ve either a) slept with him b) want to fix him or c) refuse to see him as he really is. For example, I once dated a guy who thought Sarah Palin was the goddess of intellect. I mean, really.  How could we possibly have sustained a relationship for more than two months? We call the latter affliction ‘rose-colored glasses’ or ‘beer goggles.’

I’m not all that sure that the three-visit long-distance rule is cool and this whole ‘creature unlike any other’ business is just nonsense. We’re not things, we’re women…and we’re flawed, fabulous, footloose and fancy-free (I just really wanted to use alliteration with the word footloose, as I’ve been thinking about that God-awful movie trailer with Ryan Seacrest‘s beard, Julianne Hough, and some kid with an overbite in the Kevin Bacon role all day).

The Rules may not all be correct, and they may be very, very, very anti-feminist at times, but you know what? They work. Those of you who aren’t abiding by some form of The Rules aren’t playing the game at all. And when I say you’re not playing the game, I mean you’re not putting yourself out there at all. You may end up like Miss Haversham if you’re not careful.

Unfortunately, there is some degree of game-playing when it comes to romance. Do I want it to be this way? Hell to the no. I hate playing games. Personally, I believe honesty and truth and mutual respect is the way we should live our love lives. But will that work for you? Sure…if you want to end up old, alone and half-eaten by an Alsatian.


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8 Responses
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