If you like pretty boys as much as I do, you’re in trouble ladies!

Facial symmetry has long been the scientific standard for beauty. A perfectly proportionate face equals physically appealing. However, a new study has found that most people with pretty faces are sort of selfish pigs, as well. Surprise, surprise.

Researchers at Edinburgh University (that’s in Scotland, for the geographically challenged) ostensibly wanted to discover if beauty like Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt possess only ran skin deep. So they conducted some weird-ass study utilizing doves and hawks. I kid you not.

If the person participating chose to be a “dove” they cooperated with others for shared benefit; the “hawks” had the chance to gain more if the other person went for the dove option (why they chose birds I don’t know, but apparently the correlation worked: the researchers are presenting their findings at a gathering of Nobel prize winners in Germany later this month).

Bottom line: those with proportionate countenances mostly went for the “hawk” option, which, apparently, makes them more conceited.

Anyhoo, the scientists in question analyzed 15 facial ‘landmarks’ including the positions of the mouth, eyes, ears and nose to compare the facial symmetry of the participants. They found the following: “As people with symmetrical faces tend to be healthier and more attractive, they are also more self-sufficient and have less of an incentive to cooperate and seek help from others.Through natural selection over thousands of years, these characteristics continue to the present day.”

“Symmetry in the face is thought to be a marker of what is called developmental stability: the body’s ability to withstand environmental stressors (stress factors) and not be knocked off its developmental path,” U of E psychology professor Ian Dreary concludes.

One might conclude that if you a) either have proportionate features or b) take care of your face and body, you care too much about the way you look. Thus, you are meant to be a self-centered a-hole.

Are you shocked? I’m not. I imagine people like good ol’ Brangie staring at themselves from all angles in their bedroom with the ceiling mirror (oh come on, you know they have one) reciting “Mirror, mirror, on the wall...who’s the fairest of us all?” I can also imagine Angie throwing a hissy and kicking Brad in the balls if the mirror happened to choose him that day, but that leaves us neither here nor there.

A little dose of self-love goes a long way, and a lot, apparently means you’re perfect in every way but one.


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