The Drive star is my perfect man
I know I usually talk about international dating and feelings, but today I thought I’d try something a little different. I don’t usually dig actors. They’re all so full of themselves and smarmy, a front for hiding their crippling insecurities. And aside from banging on about old “Golden Eyes” Robert Pattinson (I must confess to pining for his Twilight character over the dirty man himself), I don’t get starstruck. Fact. Still, everything I read about Ryan Gosling convinces me that he is “the one.” Why? Read on. And yes, for those that actually do know me, it has a lot to do with his love for Disneyland and addiction to sugar.
Dear Ryan Gosling,
You do not know me. We met once at an event in New York and, though you did not know the epic film The Sweet Hereafter (by one of your countrymen, no less), I still did not think you were a dumbass. This is very big for me: I judge. The fact that you brought your sister and your mom to the party — and stayed until it was over — shows me you respect your family. Good boy.
You dated one of the cutest actresses in Hollywood, Rachel McAdams, and lived out a real-life The Notebook fantasy. Points to you for giving women hope that dreams do come true. I take said points away, however, because you two broke up…and because you took Blake Lively anywhere (although ‘anywhere’ in this case is my all-time favorite date spot, Disneyland). Goddamn her endless legs straight to hell. But I digress, we’re talking about you, after all.
Speaking of Disneyland, this is one of the primary reasons why I’ve fallen for you. As a child star on the Mickey Mouse Club, you could have easily one of those asinine adults who believe that dreams don’t come true. But you choose to look at life through child-like eyes, and that’s no mean fete in a town full of cynical children who grow up too fast and burn out by the time they’re 20 (Dakota Fanning, I’m talking to you).
“I loved the idea that Walt Disney had this dream of a place and then made it a reality,” the 30-year-old star told GQ. “The fact that somebody believed in their idea so much to make it a reality… I want to be that kind of person.” He added, “I come from a family of believers.”
What a coincidence…me too! Best date I ever had, in fact, despite standing in line for an ungodly amount of time for the Star Tours ride. I really hope you aren’t into that — and that you don’t actually own a lightsaber.
When it comes to candy addiction, I think I’ve met my match. I know every single candy store in the New York and Los Angeles areas (as well as London and Rome) and proprietors even know me by name. Sad? I think not! Can you top me?
“Sometimes I think that the one thing I love most about being an adult is the right to buy candy whenever and wherever I want,” you told Esquire, while I swooned.
You live your life by the rise and fall of Haribos, Kaboozles and Nerds. Your motto is “sugar till you die.” Did I mention I love you?
So why else are you the perfect man? You DJ, you co-own a restaurant, the Moroccan-themed Tagine in Beverly Hills (you must have known that my nickname is Ayisha Tagine, right?), you’re brave enough to break up street fights and you don’t say ‘eh’, despite being Canadian.
Also, your abs don’t suck.
Now the only thing we have to talk about is Eva Mendes. Really, Ryan? She’s hot and all, but she can’t act — and she isn’t me. She will never love Space Mountain the way I do. Just sayin.’