It’s time to think outside the box and discover new places to get your freak on

Will it be on a plane, train or automobile? Can you do the deed on a roller coaster? The Joy of the Quickie: More Than 150 Ways To Do It Now author Kate Stevens not only brings you 150 suggestions on where to get busy, but she also weighs the risk factors involved and offers you helpful tips on how to survive getting caught — unless you’re into that kind of thing. Just so you know, I’m not an expert on the quickie, but I am going to throw my two cents in when it comes to related places that I love. Just saying.

QUICKIE HITS


#1 AIRPLANE

Risk Factor: 2

Do It (Now)

Pretend you aren’t feeling well and ask your partner to help you to the bathroom. That way, suspicions won’t be raised if noises are heard or if you’re in there too long. There’s not much room for movement, so the best position is from behind with the woman bent over the toilet. If she’s wearing a skirt there’s no need to strip — men can just unzip. If anyone walks in on you, she can act like she was getting sick, especially if he’s holding her hair. Keep in mind that turbulence can work in your favor, so plan your bathroom trip for when the ride gets bumpy.

Considerations

People that need to use the bathroom and are waiting in line might get impatient and call the flight attendant.

Laura Says: I’ve always been partial to Virgin airlines, ironically.

#2 AIRPORT

Risk Factor: 3

Do It (Now)

Keep you trust out of the airport bathroom: many a politician and rock star has been disgraced this way. Instead, approach your hook-up and suggest you both give up your seats on this flight to get an overnight stay at a local hotel. Airports also have bars, full of stressed-out businesspeople and young hotties gearing up for fun in Cancun. Ladies, try the pickup line: ‘I’m worried my underwire will set off the metal detector. Care to help me get it off?’ And for the gents: ‘I know about a perk you won’t find in first class.’ If you’re rebuffed, say you’ll toss in a free bag of peanuts.

Considerations

Time your tryst wisely. Otherwise, you might end up running through the terminal to make you connection with your pants around your ankles.

Laura Says: McCarran International Airport in Las Vegas is awesome. I think this mostly because they have a ridiculously good bin candy store.

#3 HOT AIR BALLOON

Risk Factor: 3

Do It (Now)

Hire out a balloon and tip the pilot heavily: in cash, and later, in eye candy. Wait until you’re safely over the treetops to start your aerial adventure and, if possible, keep the rocking motion to a minimum. Gentlemen, if you’re standing and your partner is on her knees, be sure to wave back to anyone on the ground. Ladies, watch your breathing, as the air can get a little thin that far up. In the event your pilot won’t allow any hanky panky, ask to be dropped off momentarily in the nearest open field.

Considerations

If, in the middle of sex, you notice that you are surrounded by fog, your pilot has become too distracted. You are in a cloud bank.

#4 ON SAFARI

Risk Factor: 3

Do It (Now)

Allow the scenery and heart-racing proximity to powerful, elegant animals to arouse your hunger for your partner. Compare him or her to an animal you see, in terms of strength, swiftness, or beauty. The safari is a time to get dusty, dirty, and sweaty (to say nothing of a good tan). Drink in the sunsets and expansive skies. Once you’ve soaked all this in, take your quickie to your tent or hut. The safari environment allows for imaginative role-play: the brave hunter and the tourist’s wife; Tarzan and Jane; or, more plainly, two lions tearing at each other in a primitive mating dance.

Considerations: Only feed your animal. And take pictures for your scrapbook.

#5 PARACHUTING

Risk Factor: 5

Do It (Now)

We suggest having your quickie in the plane before the jump: there’s plenty of time for that. Or, after you hit the ground and you’re riding high on adrenaline, strip off your parachute (and everything else), and do each other where you land. Logistically, performing intercourse while you’re plummeting to earth may be beyond the both of you, although we have heard of nude skydiving. Such a thing may be harder on the gents: I know wouldn’t my loose equipment flapping around while I’m traveling 80 miles an hour downward.

Considerations:

The only thing worse than your ‘chute not opening is discovering that you enjoy the thrill of parachuting more than sex with your partner.

# 6 SCUBA DIVING

Risk Factor: 5

Do It (Now)

Remember that you do not have an indefinite oxygen supply, so get right to it. Don’t be distracted by the awe-inspiring beauty of the barrier reef. First, wear bathing suits: diving suits aren’t made for easy-access nookie. Second, don’t remove flippers for toe-sucking. Third, opt for the ‘cowgirl’ position of woman on top, as this allows for intercourse with the least amount of equipment obstruction.

Considerations:

While scuba diving may be fabulous for a fuck, it’s not the time or place for fucking around. If you’re having difficulty or encountering problems, it’s safety first.

Laura Says: You may want to check out the Quicksilver scuba company out of Port Douglas in Australia. The instructors and crew members are drool-worthy.

#7 SKIING

Risk Factor: 1

Do It (Now)

Learning to ski on snow is the ultimate winter foreplay: keep your legs apart, crouch down, and then fall over and roll around with your partner. The ski lodge was built so that horny skiers can take it inside and warm up. If you’re water-skiing, you’ll inevitably fall into the water, giving your partner the opportunity to rescue you and administer mouth-to-mouth, even if you don’t need it. Remember too, that cross-country skiing is an activity so athletically rigorous, you’ll want to conserve some energy for when you shed your layers.

Considerations:

Having sex with your snow skis or water skis still on is one interesting challenge. If you pull it off, you’ve earned major bragging rights.

Laura Says: Aspen is super romantic, but if you’re going for a quickie affair, maybe you want to try something a little less low-key like Mammoth.

#8 SMART CAR

Risk Factor: 3

Do It (Now)

If your Smart Car is in a public place, you won’t have much privacy; it’s not as if there’s a back seat you can get down in and stay out of sight. The best bet is to find a secluded place in which to park. If the man stretches his legs across both seats and  the woman sits on top, you should have just enough room to maneuver. Try to avoid knocking against the emergency brake, particularly if you’re parked on a hill.

Considerations:

Environmental enthusiasts who want to examine your car.

#9 TAXI

Risk Factor: 2

Do It (Now)

The magic words here are telling the driver ahead of time what your plans are. Don’t be oblique or coy: Tell your driver you’re interested in a long enough ride to have sex in his taxi. Before he protests, flash a hundred-dollar bill and tell him not to put the meter on. That’s dough straight in his pocket. Also assure him that you won’t make a mess or leave stains on his back seat. If he goes for it, remind him to find a smooth route and only to speed up and swerve on your request.

Considerations:

If you get held up in traffic, remain low.

Laura Says: Try this in New York City. I haven’t, but the cabbies are less likely to give a shit and far more likely to take your money.

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3 Responses
  1. [...] day. They’re probably not going to be gentlemen if you meet them later on in the night. They will sleep with you. I’d say go early and leave before the going gets [...]

  2. Cuc Huges says:

    You can certainly see your enthusiasm in the work you write. The arena hopes for even more passionate writers like you who are not afraid to mention how they believe. Always go after your heart.

  3. The Travel Guide…

    [...]» Blog Archive » The Joy Of The Quickie: The Travel Edition[...]…

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