Welcome to Bride-zombie-land

I don’t now much about zombies aside from the fact that they appear to be taking over the world. Seriously, Americans go crazy for zombies in a way I haven’t seen since “Small Wonder” became a hit in the 80s or “The Sopranos” took hits out on each other in the 90s. They’re everywhere. From “Zombieland” to “The Walking Dead” to “Plants vs. Zombies” to “Shaun of the Undead”, they simply won’t go away. How soon would we be hearing references to zombies in love relationships? I wondered with fear. How soon would “He ate my heart out” implement itself into polite popular culture? How soon??

The answer, unfortunately, is NOW. One Michigan couple is so obsessed with these evil beings that they themed their wedding day after the undead.

30-year-old Amanda Cusumano married 40-year-old Todd Lambert in a small, zombie-themed ceremony last week.

The bride and groom dressed up in appropriate Halloween attire, as did their family and friends. Amanda wore a black velvet dress; her groom wore a black suit and fake monster teeth, holding a skeleton-headed cane as he vowed his undying love.

Instead of “blessing” the marriage, the pastor said that the two came together “to celebrate one of the scariest moments of their lives” (and that part, at least, is certainly true).

Amanda and Todd aren’t the only couple to go zombie on their wedding day, either.  According to The Courier-Journal, Jesse Embry and Jennifer Wilson wed during Louisville, Ky.’s annual Zombie Attack. New Jersey couple Kendra Lacey wed Matthew Leach, already appropriately attired, headed over to the state’s annual Asbury Zombie Walk for their wedding reception.

While I’m being judgemental, I wonder why in the heck a bride would want to look so scary/ugly on her wedding day. Don’t all brides go nuts trying to be the most beautiful woman in the room? Why turn the happiest day of your life into a joke/costume party?

Maybe I simply don’t get the fascination with braindead, barely human creatures. Maybe I haven’t given the zombie ceremony a fair chance. But you know what? I’m OK with that. If I DO get married, I won’t be ruining what could have been a precious moment with face paint, torn frocks or fugly fake teeth. But that’s just me.

Do whatever makes you happy…even if it means having to groan your vows instead of speak them.

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