Everyone needs a hug sometimes!

What will they think up next? With a bit of the east coast cynicism I’ve ever-so-slightly retained since moving to sunny Southern California, I had to at first appear to be bug-eyed with shock upon hearing that one woman earns up to $500 per day just by CUDDLING with her clients. But that outraged “get a real job!” irritation that initially washed over me soon went away, and when I thought about Kitty Mansfield‘s profession of choice, I couldn’t help but be impressed with her ingenuity.
Mansfield, a British citizen, hires herself out as a “professional snuggler” in Ramsgate, England and if you think she’s even slightly ashamed of taking your money in exchange for something that most people give out for free, you’re wrong.

“People love to be cuddled because it feels good and offers simple contact,” Mansfield told the UK‘s Daily Mail. “People want to feel a connection. It’s something we have lost out on. Touching has become a taboo.

“People can just come and talk, or they can snuggle wherever they want for as long as they want. At Be Snuggled, you will discover a safe, warm and nonjudgmental oasis where you can step out of your everyday life, rediscover the pleasure of nonsexual snuggling and enjoy the many psychological and physiological benefits of cuddling.”

She added: “I think I will get some criticism because it’s not a standard type of service I’m offering. But the way I see it, hostility is just a symptom of fear.”

Thus, Be Snuggled, a business that allows customers to feed their craving for touch and physical intimacy, was born. Like anything that seems to be too good to be true, there are rules, of course. Underwear must be worn, nothing sexual can happen, and there’s a dress code: no tank tops allowed. Oh yes, and there is that fee of $68 per hour to consider.

Kitty-cat isn’t the only gal purring up to those in need of a hug:  29-year-old graduate student Jackie Samuel launched The Snuggery in Rochester, N.Y.  Though her prices run to $60 an hour, business is booming.

Cheers to these gals, really. There are some people in this world that you couldn’t pay me to hug, but luckily for some sad, lonely people, Jackie and Kitty don’t feel the same.

When you think about it, you’ll feel bad for the sort of people who would need to pay for this type of “therapy.” Someone who actually has to pay another for a hug, who doesn’t have anyone in their lives that will do it for free, must be someone who’s dreadfully unhappy. I don’t wish that kind of pain on anyone.

In fact, thinking about all those loveless people who need to pay for something we take for granted makes me a little sad. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to get a hug. And no, I won’t be paying for it. Thank goodness I already have an account set up with my boyfriend.

Is it smart to go galavanting around the world when you’ve just tied the knot?

Fourth months in to her marriage, Maggie Downs was having trouble connecting with her husband. No, they weren’t having emotional problems so soon, but they were literally having trouble communicating: the connection from her hostel in Cape Town was horrific. But why was she in South Africa solo just four months into wedded bliss?

Downs, a Palm Springs, California-based writer, had to decided to embark on a year-long around-the-world travel adventure. To be fair, she decided upon her plan before tying the knot.

The newspaper veteran was at a crossroads. “I became a journalist out of a desire to make a difference in the world; I ended up covering red carpet functions and dog fashion shows,” she lamented, writing, “Before I traded in my briefcase for a backpack, I had a 13-year career in newspapers. The industry was fragile, however, and I was no longer happy with my place in it.”

Her mother was also in the final stages of Alzheimer’s disease. She was a woman who had always longed to travel, but never had the opportunity, pushing it back for family and work. So Downs decided to take the trip her mother never could, to “stop writing about other people’s remarkable lives” and create her own story.

She had been with then-boyfriend Jason for seven years when she announced her plan. They lived together in a comfortable Southern California apartment with their cat and puppy. Their relationship, she notes, was “safe, but predictable.”

Though Jason initially was hesitant regarding Maggie’s plan, he soon agreed under the condition that she marry him first. His reasons ranged from romantic –“I want to be the only man for you!” — to practical — “You’ll need health insurance!”

After honeymooning in Peru, Jason returned this job as a math teacher while Maggie headed south on a minibus with 23 people and a pregnant goat. During the year she was away, she traveled to 19 countries in South America, Africa and Asia. She spent a month camped out in wildlife parks and a week praying in an ashram. She was attacked by a monkey in Bolivia, backpacked through Dahab, Egypt, when her mother died, and spent her first anniversary chatting to her husband via Google chat.

Despite Downs’ “Eat, Pray, Love” jaunt, she and Jason actually fell further in love. They wrote one another love letters, filled their inboxes with photos and stories and he sent her care packages, which she reciprocated with responding postcards.

“Finally, after one year of travel — low on funds and summoned for jury duty — I returned to California, greeted by strong, warm arms and a more vibrant relationship,” she writes. “The desire to move in a different direction took me far from my husband. It carried me around the world, and it brought me back home again.”

I love these kinds of stories. Why? They give me hope.

In my (very expansive) experience, long-distance relationships rarely work out. That isn’t to say that they never do, but it’s a rare thing. Jason is a wonder, a marvel, a keeper. For starters, he’s an incredibly smart man — he locked Maggie down before her trip, lest she meet some exotic gentleman in Egypt and fall madly and passionately in love. And he made that grand gesture that we all secretly hope for. Let’s not forget that the two had been together for seven years before Jason actually took a risk, before he finally asked Maggie to marry him.

But aside from that grand gesture, he’s a wonderful man because he afforded Maggie the freedom to find herself, to realize her goals, to do something she had only ever dreamed about. He didn’t hold her back, tell her not to go, tell her not to leave him. He was the one who left behind (the hardest place to be, in my opinion), stoic and sensible at home. teaching children algebra while Maggie ran around the world having amazing, once-in-a-lifetime adventures.

And he wrote her love letters.

Do I think this could happen to you? Sure. Anything is possible. But Maggie and Jason are the exception. She had her cake and ate it, too. She was given the freedom to find that, despite the excitement of constantly moving, constantly exploring, the place she most wanted to be was home.

May all of us be so lucky as to have the same luxury.

Creepy…or kind of cool?

Becoming Facebook friends with someone is now as easy as one, two, three – CHEERS! – thanks to a new invention from Budweiser called the “Buddy Cup.” But is that a good thing?

Here’s how it works:  the beer company’s Brazilian branch invented these digitalized dating tools using a “bump sensor” chip that directly connects to your Facebook account. A QR code on the bottom of the cup syncs up with the Budweiser app, which automatically links to your page. Any time you cheers someone else, voila! You’re FB friends 4-eva (or until you decide to delete the other person, that is. Whichever comes first).

On one hand, it’s a brilliant marketing strategy. Drink Bud, get a Buddy Cup and that random stranger you met at a bar suddenly doesn’t have to be a stranger! On the other hand, well, it’s a little weird. A little voyeuristic. A little creepy (OK, a lot creepy). Randoms who tap your glass accidentally will suddenly be privy to all of your important information until you get around to an actual desktop and can filter or delete.

Stephen Colbert actually called these puppies “Stalker Steins”, and I’m inclined to agree. I wouldn’t want anyone I didn’t know knowing my business, even if he was cute (and even if I wasn’t taken).

If you disagree and think they’re harmless, well, power to you. But just be aware that when you give a stranger access to your life, you could be in for trouble.  Especially when alcohol is involved.

What are your thoughts? Are Buddy Cups kitschy or just plain creepy?

Everyone does it!

For those of you who have ever simpered that “online dating is such a good idea but it just, well, isn’t for you”, think again. It’s for everyone, as it happens, and what more proof is needed than the fact that the Domestic Goddess herself, Martha Stewart, thinks it’s a good thing? Don’t believe me? Well check this out: she even has her own Match.com profile!

That’s right, Lady M. has joined the ranks of lonely singletons looking for love online. During a chat with The Today Show’s Matt Lauer this week, she revealed that she signed up “to have breakfast with” and “sleep with somebody.” Seems right to me!

She wasn’t afraid to put it all out there, either. And why shouldn’t she? At the age of 71, it’s only fair that this successful divorcee get exactly what she wants. Voila: “shopping” for me on the ‘net.

In her profile she writes: “You may recognize me from my pictures. Yes, it’s really me.  I’ve been curious about online dating for a long time, but, like lots of people, have been reluctant to take the leap. I’m just now getting around to it for a couple reasons. After recently writing and publishing my new book, “Living the Good Long Life,” I was reminded how central good relationships are to happiness and longevity. Also, I’ve always been a big believer that technology, if used well, can enhance one’s life. So here I am, looking to enhance my dating life.

Here’s how I’d define myself: Curious about everything. Love learning. An adventurous spirit.  I’m told that I’m a specific person, and that the efficiency of online dating might be a good way for me to find that needle in the haystack. So while I’m open to all kinds of people, and love to be surprised, here’s what I know I appreciate in a man: Someone who’s intelligent, established, and curious; and who relishes adventure and new experiences as much as I do. Someone who can teach me new things. A lover of animals, grandchildren, and the outdoors. Young at heart.”

This is my idea of the perfect profile. Yes, her main picture is airbrushed and stunning, but she also includes other pictures of herself. She’s upfront about what she wants, honest in her description and very, very detailed.

I also love that she has no shame about said profile. Online dating isn’t something to be embarrassed about — more than 50% of Americans meet their partner in such a way (as I describe in my book Internet Dating 101: It’s Complicated but it Doesn’t Have to Be). And for those who are busy or don’t frequent the typical spots you’d meet a respective other — bars, restaurants, the beach — it’s a great tool that you should be utilizing.

It’s a modern world, people, so get with the program. We all use cell phones, iPads, iPhones, tablets and Skype. We Facetime instead of having face-to-face conversations. Instagram captures our exploits and Facebook allows everyone we’ve ever met to see everything we’ve ever done. So why the stigma with online dating? It’s for everyone. If Queen Martha can do it, so can you. And that, my friends, is a very, very good thing.

God, do I love Richard Branson. Not only do I think his airlines are the best on the market — Virgin Atlantic and Virgin America for those who happen to be living under a rock — but the man is actually instrumentally about to help single flyers on his flights (and no, I do not mean he wants you to join the mile high club).

This past Monday, April 22, the 62-year-old British billionaire not only launched service between Los Angeles’ LAX and Las Vegas’ McCarren airports (hallelujah!), but he also debuted his very cheeky ‘Get Lucky’ program.

The service allows passengers to send other passengers — presumably whom they find attractive — cocktails. It’s kind of like when you’re sitting at the bar and the bartender places a foreign drink in front of your face and says “Compliments of that guy over there”, except it’s being done on a plane.

The caveat: the service is only available on said flight from LAX to Sin City. How appropriate: your “What goes on in Vegas stays in Vegas” shenanigans can actually start before you even arrive. Brilliant!

In his promotional video, “Sir Richard Branson’s Guide to Getting Lucky at 35,000 Feet”, Branson says with a grin: “Order a drink, meal or snack, select his or her seat, and don’t forget to seal the deal by suggesting seat-to-seat chat.”

Sir Richard, you are a rascal. Smart, hilarious and romantic, but a rascal nevertheless. Cheers to you!

And cheers to all you LA-Vegas-goers. The idea is pure genius, and really, what do you have to lose? The worst that can happen is that you’ll never have to see said stranger after the flight ever again in your life.

So what are you waiting for? Bottoms up!

I don’t freakin’ think so!

Are we really meant to be with one person for the rest of our lives? Is monogamy possible? I’d like to think so. But one British couple claims to have found the secret to relationship success: and that is letting the man in question satisfy his sexual urges with other women while returning to the marital bed at night. Say what now?

Grahame Tamsett, 67, and his wife, Sandra, have been together for 25 years. As per every old wives tale, she has become increasingly disinterested in any sort of sexual shenanigans over time. He, however, has not. Goddamned Viagra.

Tamsett ruefully told the UK’s Daily Mail: “My wife is into other things. She is grandkids-mad and likes shopping. To be blunt, she isn’t that interested in sex anymore. Lots of women go off sex as they get older.”

This gives him license — with an A-OK from his wife — to search online dating sites for quickie flings and casual nights of passions. He currently has 10 “lovers.” Says Tamsett: “We both respect we are into different things, so she turns a blind eye to me putting adverts online for casual flings. I used to use lonely hearts ads in newspapers, then two years ago I heard about a website where married people openly look for an affair. It’s full of people like me.”

He knows how lucky he is, and how other men must envy his situation, saying: “I think the world of my wife and I want to stay with her. I’m a very lucky man because I know most women wouldn’t like what I do. But then most men are liars. I never lie to anyone.”

I know I shouldn’t be judging anyone else’s relationship, but what is Sandra Tamsett smoking? Is she high? Isn’t real love about being faithful, through good times and through bad (the sexless years)? How can she just turn a blind eye? What if he fell in love with one of his flings? What if the comfortable affection he has for his wife morphs into a deep, passionate affair with someone else? What then?

This situation sounds like the kind of drama a threesome causes (though clearly it is a flink — which, for those who are too lazy to use a dictionary — is a dozen cows). It may sound like a good idea in theory, but someone is going to get hurt in the long run.

Though I’m happy for the Tamsetts that they’re so allegedly happy, I can’t help but wonder if it’s all a facade. Is turning a blind eye the same thing as being OK with the situation?

This is food for thought. But what I am 100% clear about: no man of mine is ever going to find himself in this kind of “lucky” situation.

The stud muffin himself

Obviously, I’m a big believer that love can happen anywhere, at any time.  That’s why I want you to imagine the following scenario. Pretend for a second that you’re a New Yorker waiting for the 6 train and you happen to lock eyes with a handsome stranger across the crowded platform.  You feel a jolt down to your pinky toe (and maybe elsewhere too). But then the moment passes. He gets on the train and you’re still stuck waiting with a sinking feeling in your stomach, wondering what might have been.

This is why I’m such a fan of “Missed Connections” pages. Those moments, the ones that pass us by, can be reversed. Granted, the connection has to be there and you’ll have to put in your time by actually hoping the other person knows what “Missed Connections” are, but hey, sometimes the stars align in our favor.

For those who don’t know, “Missed Connections” are found on Craiglist – a place I totally do not typically recommend for picking up people online — but which is completely excellent for finding people you had an “almost” moment with.

Don’t feel like a geek about posting. What’s the worst thing that can happen? He/she won’t see the post or answer. OK, so losing your potential soulmate would suck, but at least there’s no embarrassment factor involved.

Psychology Today actually analyzed where most of these missed opportunities occurred by state, and, surprisingly, the number one spot went to Wal-Mart. Unsurprisingly, these folks are from the deep South: Texas, Mississippi, Georgia and Florida are just a few of the states listed. For the record, I have never seen one attractive person in Wal-mart in my entire life, but hey, different strokes for different folks, right?

Tanned and toned Californians looking for missed love are most likely to see their prospective other at 24-Hour Fitness, while urban residents from public transportation-heavy areas like New York, Washington D.C. and Chicagoans  — surprise, surprise — listed the subway.

To summarize, I’m going to end with a quote from one of my favorite high school-era films, Can’t Hardly Wait. Ethan Embry has been pining for the same girl throughout his entire high school experience. He has never done anything about it, believing Jennifer Love Hewitt‘s high school hottie is out of his league. During a chance encounter with Jenna Elfman’s stripper angel (you’ll have to see the movie to understand, mkay?), she tells him: “Fate! There is such a thing as fate, but it only takes you so far. Then it’s up to you to make it happen.”

Take a chance, post a missed connections ad.  Your future happiness might depend on it.

It really can happen anywhere….

Call it what you will — kismet, fate, destiny, divine will, karma, predestination — I believe in it. This is why it’s easier for me to swallow than most, perhaps, that two people actually fell in love over Instagram.

It’s hard to believe, I know, but that’s the truth of what happened to Matt Fleming and Robin Coe. It didn’t happen with a bang, or with a flash of insight, but with a simple “What’s up?”

Unromantic, I know, but this is the 21st century, not a bygone era. We work with what we can — don’t hate.

This is what went down: Robin had posted a photo of someone walking a dog with her hometown of wintery Toronto in the background. Matt, who lived in Oakland, Calif., was reminded of his childhood in the Midwest and decided to message Robin as a result.

In April of 2012 they finally met in person and the rest, as they say, is history.

Should you instigate saying ‘I do?’

An interesting question was posed to me on March 20, National Proposal Day, and that is this: should a woman ever propose to a man? My snap response was “HELL NO!”, and I’m sticking to it. Here are my reasons why.

1. Uncertainty. If you are asking your boyfriend to marry you, how will you ever really know if he wanted it in the first place? It is scientifically proven that if a man really wants something, he’ll go after it. It’s John Gray‘s whole “love of the chase” theory. If you make it too easy on him, if he doesn’t have to work for it, who’s to say your marriage is something he’ll want forever? Sorry boys, but it’s a fact: you’re lazy. Gals, don’t you want your dude to stay up when it really counts?
2. Romantic Loss. A proposal should, in theory, be one of the most romantic moments of your life. Men have pulled out all the stops over the ages, from carefully wrapped presents under the Christmas tree to floating a $10K diamond in a glass of champagne to popping the question during a picture-perfect holiday whilst walking past the Eiffel Tower. If it’s you who’s doing the proposing, it’s also you who has to come up with something special. This brings me back to reason #1: let him do the work. This is your moment.
3. Gender Role Reversal. Men might think they like a woman who does the chasing, but every time I’ve argued the point with a male friend, they’ve agreed that they would like a woman to approach them, in fact, because they are tired of doing the work. When I assure them that something so easily caught isn’t something really worth having, they agreed. The same theory applies to the marriage proposal. Men don’t like to feel emasculated, or that you’re wearing the pants (even if you are). If you take on the man role in your relationship, don’t get all huffy when he expects it of you.

The University of California recently conducted a gender role study and 2/3 of the 277 students poled said that the man should “definitely” be the one to propose.  Only 2.8 percent of women said they would want to be the proposer, and even those few weren’t certain that such a thing would be a good move, as the admitted to only “kind of” wanting to be the one to do the asking.

So next year on National Proposal Day, those of you who are sick and tired of waiting around for your boyfriend to ask you to say ‘I do’, don’t be the one to ask him instead. All good things come to those who wait — and if they don’t, then find something better than good for yourself. You deserve greatness, no?

Oh for cripes sake…I can barely believe this.

For anyone who’s ever felt like a dumbass for dating the guy you knew was going to break your heart, just thank God you’re not as much of a sucker as Lindsey Vonn. Why else would the respectable, stunning Olympian not only date renowned philander Tiger Woods (that’s a whole ‘nother issue for a whole ‘nother day) but then admit it to the whole word on Facebook, as if she was proud of it? Some girls just never learn.

In case you’re thinking I’m having one on with you, yes, this is actually happening. The 37-year-old golf pro, who has become better known for his game with the ladies and less so for his game on the green,  has actually declared that he is “in a relationship” with Minnesota-born skier Vonn, 27, on the ol’ Facebook — to a combined audience of 6.5 million. Well that’s certainly going to suck when — and I say “when” because there’s no ifs, ands or buts about this one — they break up.

The only thing I’ll buy here is that Woods says they want to live “as an ordinary couple” — and that’s simply because, like many of us, they choose to display their relationship on Mark Zuckerberg‘s website of gratuitous self-promotion and voyeuristic sharing.

Woods made the announcement to his ‘friends’ (cough *fans*) today, writing on his page: “This season has been great so far and I’m happy with my wins at Torrey and Doral. Something nice that’s happened off the course was meeting Lindsey Vonn. Lindsey and I have been friends for some time, but over the last few months we have become very close and are now dating. We thank you for your support and for respecting our privacy. We want to continue our relationship, privately, as an ordinary couple and continue to compete as athletes.”

He then posted a series of pictures which look like they were taken at Sears’ portrait studio of the couple looking happy and wearing light, bright colors. If they weren’t wearing jeans I might have thought Vonn was on her way to prom.

For her part, Vonn sounds over the moon. She posted the following:” I guess it wasn’t a well-kept secret but yes, I am dating Tiger Woods. Our relationship evolved from a friendship into something more over these past few months and it has made me very happy. I don’t plan on addressing this further as I would like to keep that part of my life between us, my family and close friends. Thank you for understanding and your continued support! xo LV.”

Never mind the fact that her marriage to Thomas Vonn — a former Olympic skier who also happened to be her coach and manager (messy, that) recently ended, or that Tiger’s tale involves cheating on now-ex-wife Elin Nordegren with a plethora of tramps…why the hell are they admitting it on Facebook?!

I’m all for the ‘in a relationship’ status change if you actually believe said relationship has a chance of lasting, and if you aren’t one of those nauseating couples that writes declarations of love back and forth to one another (“I love my boo-boo!” — “NO, I love my muffin-cake!”) only to have the relationship crash and burn months later. But for such a sensible girl, Lindsey Vonn sure is being an idiot here: not just to date Tiger, but to post about it in such a public form.

Does a Tiger change his stripes? I don’t know, but when his cheat sheet says he rumbled with 13 different women while married to a Swedish stunner, the odds aren’t good.

Between the two, they’re winners. Together, they have a total of 14 major golf championships, 76 PGA Tour victories, 2 Olympic medals and 4 overall World Cup titles.

But as a couple? Sorry Lindsey, but you’re chances of winning in the game of love when your partner happens to be a well-known cheater are very, very slim.I hope you can gracefully accept defeat.

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